The Descent

Review by: Evans

It's a descent, not decent.
The best horror since Aliens? Is that what the commercial says? Phooey!
How dare they even utter the word "Aliens"! This unoriginal horror flick
had its downs, its ups, and then its downs. Unoriginal you say? Yes I do.
The characters were so... obvious I guess. We had the poor, weak, innocent
victim girl who becomes Rambo. We had the prideful, arrogant girl who ends
up getting everyone into the "mess" and the "young punk". We had the
"baby" accompanied by none other than "big sister". There was even an
"Ensign Jones". Yes, just like that poor sap on Star Trek going down to the
planet with Kirk, Spock, and Bones, this movie also had its "this person's
dead the minute whatever is going to go down starts going down" person. It
was this one girl who didn't really seem like much and then I found out why.
She dies... first. But her death is important and I am leaving out much
to say because I don't want to spoil anything for those who still insist on
going to see this disaster. The other stuff was really funny stuff and I'll
get to that later.



I can say one good thing about this movie. That is, that once stuff started
going down it actually got pretty good. I was even thinking to myself that
I was going to wipe the slate clean and not worry about the prior downs.
One of which was the fact that it took F-O-R-E-V-E-R to get to stuff going
down. And it wasn't even like they were building suspense. If they were
trying then it wasn't working for me. It was just used up film. You know,
I would rather see a really well made 70 minute movie than a "wastefully
drawn out just to get to 90 minutes" minute movie (I now call The Sheridan
Rule to the stand). Anyway, I was about to start thinking this movie was
good and it was building some decent suspense, until we hit the downs again.
And they are:



1. THE NECK SNAP

So this one girl is fighting off one of the beasts and the fight scene looks
realistic and was well done. But then she stands behind one of these beasts
and pulls the neck snap. All of a sudden she's Steven Seagal. This is the
one where I laughed. Nothing will kill the suspense or horror of a suspense
or horror film like something so ridiculous that takes your nerves from on
the edge to get busting laughter. Nothing even phased me after that.



2. THE FIGHT SCENE

So there's this fight scene where the number of remaining girls (trying not
to spoil it for you with the number) fight some beasts and it is way worse than any MTV
quick flashing of scenes. I mean you couldn't even come close to figuring
out what was happening apart from what you already knew - that there was a
fight going on. Who was winning? Who hit who? Did someone get hit? Who
knows. Very poorly done.



3. THE HAND OUT OF THE BUSHES

So when whatever number of the remaining girls are leaving, they show the
woods outside the cave and some branches covering the entrance, then.....
THE HAND BURSTS OUT! Like its gasping for air. Who does that? Honestly?
If you were just in the most horrific event of your life and you got to the
way out, you'd bust through that hole soooo fast. You wouldn't bust your hand
through first and then hold........ for dramatic effect. Weak.



4. THE CAR

I won't even say anything about that.



Oh, I thought of one other good thing - the mention of Scotland. What a
great country!



To close, let's clear up this "best horror since Aliens" thing. That title
belongs to "The Grudge". Now cross your fingers and pray that they don't
screw up its upcoming part two.



Until that day,



EVANS = "not to see"

Read all reviews by Evans